I didn't see my therapist this week, and I really miss him. I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to function without him around. I really didn't take care of myself this past week.

12 days till I go see my boyfriend, and I haven't lost any weight at all this week. Feeling pretty disappointed in myself. Time's ticking, I'd better kick this starvation into high gear.

sometimes, it feels like i've lost so much. but then, i realize that all i've done is just lose a little. there's still so much work left to do. each succesful day means something. i'm getting back there. whether it's for the best or not.

hunger hurts.

I've been at this for so long that when I am doing really well with restricting and exercising, I'm not sure anymore if that is actually "doing well". I'm annoyed and pleased with myself. I'm happy and sad. I'm pathetic.

It's such a lonely feeling being so hungry, but not having the strength to feed yourself. I don't believe this is going to be a very fun day for me...

I am losing, thus I am happy.

Why do i ever eat? It always makes me so depressed afterwards...

according to an msn health & fitness calculator, i could heathfully diet and lose 1lb a week, and reach my goal by May goddamn10th.

FUCK THAT.

i'm nervous. i really like luke. but he's five years younger than me. i'm nervous that people will think less of me, like i'm a perv or something. people who still think of him as this little kid, even though he's done turned 18 and lived some life already. i've never known him as that little kid. i've only known him as this amazing young man, and i'm worried that they don't see what i get to see. and i'm just scared. 'cause i truly care for him. ahh, shit, what have i done?

i need to lose some weight, so i'll look younger. than people won't give a shit...